


Reasons to Live

by Eclipse_Tyrant



Category: Original Work
Genre: Bittersweet, Burns, But has tragic elements, F/M, Gay Male Character, High School, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Platonic Relationships, Poetry, Realistic, Sad and Happy, Sad with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, not a tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29328294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eclipse_Tyrant/pseuds/Eclipse_Tyrant
Summary: A collection of poems and stories about a tragic event, and how people moved onwards, as well as about the people involved.
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Male Character, Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Kudos: 1





	1. The Fiery Life of Austin Walker, Part One

I’m all alone in the heart of a crowd  
I’m in the fire, and I’m burning in Hell  
They’re gonna see me from outer space  
Light it up, fry my skin, burn me away

They whisper and weep, for all the damage  
Strike the match, an accident, a flame, and I wished I’d die  
Clawing the floor, screams going up to the sky

'Cause I’m on fire,  
And I’m gonna burn, burn til’ I’m ashes  
I char and sear, cooking in my skin  
I writhe and burn, choking on smoke  
Oh, I’m on fire

They don't wanna leave, no  
They just want to be with me now in this white room  
And what do I see?   
Everybody's horrified and sick  
Mournful and weeping for me, for my ruin  
Lights on, I'm waking up, one accident burned it all

And it's over now, oh it’s all over now, I’m fine  
Everything’s fine as they say, I’m still living  
When the lights turned down, I can pretend life’s the same as it was  
Remembrances frying through me like lightning, wishing I’d die  
Clawing the floor, screams going up to the sky

'Cause I’m on fire  
And I’m gonna burn  
I burn, burn, burn  
I writhe and burn  
Oh, I’m going to burn

I look in the mirror, shirt off  
And what I see is what made everybody horrified and sick  
Charred, charred, melted and burned  
Monster, monster, burned and monstrous  
And I wonder why I had to suffer this way

Burn, burning, burned  
Blackened and charred  
Burn, burning, burned…


	2. Broken Glass

I leave, silent as death  
Driving down the roads, silent as tombs  
Nobody else on the road  
Snow spirals around me in an instant  
The ice is slick, and the tires lose their grip

SLAM  
CRUNCH  
OW

I stagger free, looking back at the little red car  
I’d had it for a year now, an old gift  
Windows shattered, glass sparkling like diamonds in the snow  
I laugh  
I laugh  
I laugh  
Broken glass in my lungs with every breath I take

The cold grips my throat like a mortician’s hands  
Every breath rattles as I walk  
Walking brings heat to my limbs  
Hot lead pouring through my bones

And then the chill and weight fill me  
Failing grades  
Failing relationship  
Failing life  
Broken glass pricks my eyes

I slip on the sidewalk  
Stunned as the world spins  
Laughter, a fellow classmate  
Laughter  
Laugh

I laugh as well, jagged and ripped  
Pulling out the noise like an excised tumor  
hahahahahahahahaha  
Isn’t it funny to slip?

Isn’t it funny to trip me in the hall?  
Isn’t it funny to scribble obscenities over my notebook?  
Isn’t it funny to tell everyone how I asked someone out?  
Isn’t it funny to talk about how I was sent to detention?

So funny  
A wonderful joke  
A cruel, wonderful joke  
I turn  
Follow my classmate

Hello, I heard you laughing and wanted to show I’m in on it, I say with a cracked smile  
I’m so amused by all the jokes  
They brighten my day, I swear

I clench my fist  
I remember every little slight  
I draw back

C  
R  
A  
C  
K

A broken nose!  
I laugh and laugh, and run away  
Blood on my knuckles  
I run until I reach the bridge  
It’s a high one, isn’t it  
It’s not the fall that kills you  
It’s the rocks and icy water that does it

I perch on the rim  
Remembering how I learned all life has meaning  
How life is precious  
Where’s my meaning?  
Why am I here?

If I vanished, would anyone care?  
I’ll find out

I slide, without my knowledge  
And then I’m falling, falling

And then all goes grey


	3. One Question

Gone at 17

Such a simple question  
Why

It’s so common  
And yet, it’s never enough 

Was I a bad sister?  
Did I fail to notice the signs?  
Why did you feel the need to leave us behind?  
I cannot comprehend your choice   
That’s not who I am

Angry words fill the halls of our cold home  
Arguments long-buried are exhumed  
Spite becomes the rule 

I cannot bring myself to care  
All I can say is why  
And I don’t understand why

All my knowledge, all my books, they offer nothing  
I flip through your journal, look through your room  
Whispering apologies to your spirit, if it endures  
A bloodhound on a scent, a detective on the prowl  
But   
All I find is evidence of how much you cared

Photos from Halloween  
You and me, up to our elbows in pumpkin entrails  
Christmas gifts unwrapped  
Birthday cards perched on your bookshelf

The picture we took when we took you into our home  
You were so nervous  
But I gave you my book to read on the way

And I find a picture   
Tucked away, hidden  
It’s of you and him  
Laughing  
You never laughed  
Sometimes smiled  
But never laughter  
What was he to you?  
What were you to him?

Why did you leave us, if you had so much here to live for?  
What drove you to do what you did?  
And… what does he think of this?


	4. I Can't Believe

I didn’t believe a word  
How could you do it?  
After what I said, after my desperate pleading  
You threw it all away  
Ignored me and my love

Did you have so little regard for me?  
That you would cast me aside?

My life was yours  
I said that one warm summer’s day  
Sipping a chocolate milkshake with you  
You smiled a cracked smile   
And whispered a secret into my ear

And I wondered about you,  
Wondered why such a lovely person was so disliked  
Wondering how you moved through this broken world  
In the halls of school, you glided through life like a ghost  
Barely there, thin as a sheet  
But when you saw me, I saw your shattered eyes light up

And I knew we belonged to each other

And when I got your call, desperation in your tone  
When you perched above the water  
I affirmed my love, my desire to live a life with you  
I said that I couldn’t endure without you

And you said you would try to live on

I was reluctant to leave you  
But you swore you’d call me when you were home safe  
I believed you, and hung up  
And then I got the awful, impossible news   
It made me sick to hear what happened

I didn’t believe a word  
How could you do it?  
After what I said, after my desperate pleading  
You threw it all away  
Ignored me and my love

And now  
It’s too late  
I’ll never see you again  
And that makes me so sick  
Bile searing my mouth  
I choke and spit  
It’s horrific  
Everything  
Life without you is darkness  
It’s piercing, blinding sharp light  
You were my sword and shield   
My safe harbor in this world  
And now I’m alone, alone


End file.
